Sunday, May 27, 2007

Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, part 4

For Part 3 of Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, click here.

Last night, I was the only person in the high-limit slots section of the casino resort I'm staying at. I overheard a pair of employees talking quietly at the far entrance to the high-limit area.

"Is that kid supposed to be in here?"
"I dunno, but he just put a shitload of money into that machine."

For the first time in my life, I'm part of the target demographic, the one that gets all the privileges. This is the complete opposite of college admissions, where I am in what's probably the most fucked-over demographic. It's about time us paintbrush-heads got some love.

Big casinos love young Asian males. Said demographic is usually associated with large disposable income, an addiction to gambling, and a willingness to make all sorts of stupid bets.

I started play at the resort on Sunday night. By last night, I had already qualified for the top tier(out of 4) of their Player's Club. This led to the following conversation:

Kyle: You qualify for airport limo service. You should get that next time.
Me: But seeing how I'd have to rent a car anyways, it means I'd have to go right back.
Kyle: Oh. Well, you should do it anyways.
Me: Hmmm. I'd have to dress for the part.

At this point, Kyle reacts along the lines of "Why the fuck would you want to be dressy, etc."

Me: No, no, you don't understand. It means I have to wear the rattiest clothes I have.
Kyle: *LOL*
Me: Dude, it's me we're talking about here. Wtf were you thinking?

For Part 5 of Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, click here.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, part 3.

For Part Deux of Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, click here.

The surreality continues. A few days ago, I drove south to Tahoe by way of Carson City. On the way, I passed a strip mall with the following signs in sequential order: "GUNS", "SLOTS", and "BUNNIES". Across the street was a liquor store and a "Payday Cash Advance" store. A few blocks down is a restaurant which serves a peanut-butter topped cheeseburger. I remain convinced that someone needs to stage an intervention for the entire state.

Later that evening, I was sitting in a hotel room with Kyle. Kyle had turned on the air conditioner, but it was making an annoying rattling noise because of a loose panel. Kyle goes "Hey, give me something heavy to put on the panel." In response, I toss him the inch-thick roll of C-bills that I had left the casino with.

Yeah. Before we used the Gideon bible instead(about the only use I've found for those things), we were using $11,500 to quiet a noisy AC unit.

Did you know that casinos will cash paychecks? In fact, they advertise this as being community-friendly. Yup, welcome to Reno, The Biggest Shitty Little City in the World.

For Part 4 of Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, click here.

Hurra Torpedo rokks my nano thinking world
Hurra Torpedo is the world's leading kitchen appliance rock group. Since 1993 they have played for full houses all over their native Norway with their eclectic mixture of cover tunes and original material. Now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, their heartbreaking version of Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart is known all over the world .

Sunday, May 06, 2007

We've All Got Cellphones, C'mon Let's Get Real

Saw Weird Al Yankovic over the weekend and although I'm just a semi-casual fan of his, I was blown away. Very very good show. A music and comedy multimedia extravaganza. Fo shizzle. The guy must've changed costumes at least a dozen times.

The title of this post is a song he co wrote with Michael Stipe of REM.
Here are the lyrics:

We all have cell phones.
So, c'mon, Let's get real.